vagiants:

Me: *before I take my first bite*

Mom: is it good?

communistbakery:

dicklover3000:

check out my blog

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trillow:

*on the phone with police after reporting a murder* no you hang up first

zooeyclairedeschanel:

i found my new favorite twitter

bettydays:

I have a story.

So my sister got run over by a car once. It was a pretty big deal. Well like a year later she got into a little fender bender and was really bent out of shape about it, so I went and got her a cake. 

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When I put in my order for the cake, the guy at the bakery asked, “Do you want it to say anything?”

And with a perfectly straight face, I said, “‘Sorry you got hit by a car again.’”

He narrowed his eyes a moment, then nodded and wrote it down, and took it to kitchen to get the writing done.

All the way from the back of the kitchen, I hear a woman shout, “‘Again’?!”

“I’m an adult” I whisper as I try not panic while I’m filling in all those forms that I don’t understand.

mineyen:

thehansoloist:

These photos were taken a few seconds apart.

I can’t believe weird al’s fucking dead